Thursday, May 16, 2013
This morning I woke up to the sound of ocean waves aka the sound machine we leave on for our little light sleeper. A light headache stung behind my eyes and I cursed that single glass of wine from the night before. I felt beside me for Minnow and noticed she was sleeping upside down with her feet near my face. I smiled and pulled her close. Noticing J's absence from our bed I remembered our fight from the night before. Minnow also noticed and asked "Dada?" we found him cuddled under her small knit blanket on the couch. We piled on him and covered him with kisses. I jumped in the shower and within 5 minutes we were out of hot water. I got out feeling unsettled that I didn't get the proper long soak that my headache required. Water always seems to make me feel better (I am a mermaid after all). I then noticed the pile of dishes, and the clogged kitchen and bathroom sinks. Greeeeat. Sigh...
I started to get dressed and found that Minnow had pulled out all the clothes out of my drawers- her favourite past time, and the huge mound of clean laundry I've been avoiding. I started to get Minnow dressed and found only one of her moccasin booties, my favourite shoes of hers.
Feeling defeated and tired I started to complain to J, blaming him for everything that was going wrong. He left for work silently without a goodbye and I immediately felt regretful. I seem to be hardest on the ones I love most and I despise myself for that.
I turned to my baby, my perfect mischievous pixie child. She had put on her gelly sandals over her tights and was clip clopping across the hardwood floors giggling at the sound the made. She looked up at my and smiled with her eyes. I scooped her into my arms and breathed in her smell. We looked out the window at the rainy street and I decided
"today is going to be a good day, even if all signs point to suck"
I realized all the things I have to be thankful for. Our home, our health, our baby, our love.
My little family never ceases to inspire me. I decided, not for the first time, I need to make the extra effort to not wallow in the shitty, everyday happenings of life. Because they are going to be there regardless. I want my daughter to look up to me and see a smile not a frown. I wouldn't want her to inherit my anxieties and temper. She makes me urn to be a better person. Such a small person has the biggest impact on me.
Now I'm going to breath deeply, be thankful, and handle each of my chores and tasks today one at a time. And bask in the joy of all the little children I will be caring for today. They are all such special little beings who, if you let them, have the capicity to teach you how to be present and enjoy the simple things in life. the certainly have a divine light that shines in them, and I reconize and bow to it.