Monday, June 25, 2012

What goods' a sleeping baby if I'm still up all night with insomnia...

This past couple weeks have been pretty amazing. Every day I wake up with purpose. I feel like I've arrived at the beginning of everything I was meant to do. I'm feeling inspired and motivated- well, as much as a sleep deprived, constantly breastfeeding woman can be. I just try to do a little of each of my goals each day. I try to stay present above all. My main goal is to sincerely try and appreciate each moment and live in the now in whatever I may be doing. It's a balance of staying busy to keep motivated, and allowing myself to indulge in day long snuggle with my baby and my husband if that's what we all are needing. Just to breathe, and let go of everything that's pulling at me, weighing me down. Just to smile, because life is pretty fucking good right now. I will try extra hard to remember this over the next week. This week we are moving! I'm equally thrilled and overwhelmed. No matter how much I've planned and organized my time, the task of moving house while caring for a 7 week old baby pixie lady is a lot to process. It's out of the comfort zone of having all my things in their places. I'm never as content and at peace than when I am relaxing in my fresh and tidy surroundings. I don't like to be crowded with clutter. We live in an ever growing box city; where all the walls are bare and our feeling of home is neatly packed up in the claustrophobic mess that surrounds us.

Just need to get through this week.... then everything will be wondrous. I haven't been able to sleep for what seems like forever... my baby is sleeping through the night better then me. She is not the reason for my sleep deprivation. She is the reason for my energy and vitality. I am thoroughly enjoying getting to know my little minnow. We spend hours gazing into each others eyes and trying to communicate with our thoughts. Well, at least that's what I'm trying to do. I think it could be working sometimes. I feel like she understands everything but is trapped in a small and fragile body incapable of doing what she wants it to do. She has a sparkle in her eyes, and a wildness that reminds me of me. She always looks determined; very serious. So when I make her smile it's a very big deal. Seriously- I have found someone I want to make laugh more than anyone... except for maybe Josh. We are always trying to make each other laugh. :)

Ok, I think my sleeptime tea has kicked in. Time to go try and sleep.

Think sleepy thoughts....*yawn*

Sweet dreams internet friends.

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